He thought she knew

I looked over my last couple of blogs and realized I have been spending a lot of time commenting on social issues. Which is good, I think its important stuff. But I think its time to go back to funny stories. And this one just so happens to have a lesson to be learned at the end of it.

I have told this story to a number of my friends, guys and gals, mostly because it’s funny but also because of the message it conveys. Please do not assume after reading this that you should fear me, but instead just believe me when I say something.

This was several years ago; I was 17 and rather new to sex but I was making my way through. I had a boyfriend, and prior to these events, he had never had an orgasm from my mouth; it was always interrupted by the humping. But my vagina was on vacation, so I offered a lengthy blow jay, if you will. He obliged, as one would imagine.

I gave him some rules, since this was going to be a bit longer than any other job I'd been on. 1) Don’t ram my head down on your penis. I have gag reflexes and I will vomit on you 2) If you hear someone coming, let me know, or I will leave teeth marks (to be caught would have shredded my innocence so I thought that I had to be assertive) 3) Let me know when you’re going to ejaculate, because I do not want your swimmers in my mouth and if you do, I will spit them back at you. Now, readers, everybody put your vote in: guess which rule he broke.

I was going up and down and all around on his wang, giving it a good waxing. I looked up periodically because I knew if something was about to happen I’d be able to read it on his face. Glance; nothing; suck suck suck. Glance; nothing; he seemed to be doing ok, nothing big yet, the finale wasn’t there.

WRONG! After that last glance my mouth was suddenly full of half-babies. My head shot up and I glared at him. He shrugged and said “I thought you knew”. My glare turned into the crazy eye and a gathered the semen in my mouth and shot it full force at his face; it nearly landed in his eye.

Like I said, don’t judge me too harshly. I was young and sassy and thought I knew everything. But he never pulled anything like that again, so I’m proud I stuck to my convictions. The lesson to be learned? Don’t trust a girl with a mouth full of semen.

— Nikki Todorow