Spermacide? More like Vagacide…

Over the past five months, I have been through quite the bodily ordeal. I had toyed with the idea of talking about it here, but I never saw a good reason to, until now. After all this, I have found a solution and I think everyone needs to hear this so they don’t run into the same problem. And as much as this is about vaginas, this is also for men who like vaginas. Because when a vagina is in pain, everyone suffers.

In the past five months I have had four urinary tract infections. If you have never had a urinary tract infection, try to keep it that way. It starts with having to pee more than often; next comes the gasp-inducing pain accompanied by fiery pee. Then it reaches a point where all you think about it peeing. It burns all the time, when you’re peeing, when you’re watching TV, when you’re driving. All you think about is finding a bathroom NOW. It is urinary hell.

On top of that, all of this trouble also gave me a yeast infection and sex that was almost as painful as the UTIs themselves. I took pills, peed in cups, and had my urine turn orange from medication. Needless to say, I was cranky, medicated, horny, and in a lot of pain. And I still had no answers.

Until today. I was in FAS 332/SOC 394, also known as Human Sexuality, also known as something all college kids should take because movies and frat parties teach us nothing.

Dr. Christopher was discussing spermacides, most of which contain nonoxynol-9 as their active ingredient. Research has shown that not only does nonoxynol-9 not aid in preventing pregnancy, it has shown to increase the chances of contracting HIV and other STIs. What caught my attention was when he explained that this ingredient causes microscopic vaginal tears that make all kinds of infections more likely.

DING! A light bulb went off in my head. That sentence seemed to describe my pain, and had potential for explaining my bacterial battle. After months of medicines and incompetent doctors and pain, I felt like I might have a glimmer of hope. As soon as class was over, I called my boyfriend and demanded to know the main ingredient in our spermicidal-lubricated condoms. Want to take a guess? Yeah that’s right.

I ran home and did some more research and found that frequent UTIs have been connected with nonoxyl-9, that it creates a breeding ground for the bacteria that causes the infection.

This is research that is relatively new, so it’s not surprising that none of my resources (women, doctors, physician’s assistants, the internet) picked up on this. But I am thoroughly enthused that I have found an answer. Nearly all spermacides contain nonoxyl-9, so even though it’s a good preventative measure, your vagina will thank you more so if you skip the sperm genocide.

— Nikki Todorow

The new impact of nudie shots in the Internet age

Sometimes, when girls and boys fall in love, they do stupid things while in the nude. Like, for instance, he might tell her he loves her after three weeks. Or perhaps she’ll let him take nakey pictures of her “just for when you’re not around.” It’s not uncommon; sample 100 girls across ASU, and you might be surprised to find out how many girls have given some guy a Kodak moment that needs to be laminated for easy cleaning.

Now, some people might say that there is no good to come from this — that guys only want to show their friends. But if you honestly assess your photographer, it’s not hard to differentiate between a guy who will keep your secret and a guy who can’t wait to post your nudies.

That being said, the recent news about 18-year-old Vanessa Hudgens isn’t entirely surprising. In fact, considering that the average age of first intercourse is getting younger and younger, she was fortunate that these photos didn’t surface before she turned 18; then she’d have a whole other boatload of naked trouble.

She’s a pretty young lady and, if the rumors are true, she’s dating her bubble gum co-star Zac Efron. They are probably in love, which makes a dramatic difference in one’s decision making abilities. Now, that’s not to say that one isn’t responsible for her choices just because she’s got goo-goo eyes. But those two are young and on an incredible high from being famous and thrust into the spotlight. And they never expected to have their privacy violated, and their secrets splashed across America.

To make matters worse, she’s famous for being Disney’s sweetheart — an entity built on candy and platonic love, corny jokes and virginity. There’s much debate about her future on the Disney network: Should her actions get her canned? Should a young woman with a sex life that accidentally escaped be punished for being human?

Clearly, I think not. These are photos of just her; she wasn’t with anyone else; and she has acknowledged this and apologized. Hudgens will have this over her shoulder for the rest of her career. But the way she handled it with grace and humility deserves some credit for being mature.

— Nikki Todorow

"The Pick-up Artist" in velour and a cowboy hat? Puh-lease.

I recently surfed over to VH1 to enjoy some useless TV, when a new show popped up on my radar. Usually, I'm excited when VH1 comes up with a new gem to humiliate folks while letting them believe that they’re boosting their confidence. But this is an exception.

“The Pick-up Artist” takes hopeless men and teaches them how to pick up women. This is fine, it’s been done before; there will forever be men who are “putting the pussy on a pedestal," to quote a very relevant film, and end up getting none.

The problem here is the host/coach known simply as “Mystery." The contestants follow his advice, participating in the challenges, making asses of themselves. The fates of their unused peni lie in this man’s hands.

And this man is wearing a crushed velour suit from K-Mart with a Pac-Sun cowboy hat and hemp necklace, complete with black-rimmed eyes. Oh, and that’s just the evening wear. For daytime, it’s to the moon! He’s got a black beanie, goggles and a distressed leather trench coat with some decorative headphones. He sports a soul patch with a lip piercing, and some monster gauges.

Umm, I'm sorry, but what? This man, this gawky mess of genres and clichés, is giving advice on how to pick up women? Oh and check out his boy-band sidekicks: the Swedish man who is clearly gay and the goofy Indian guy from “Van Wilder.” No, I don’t think so.

If lonely men in the world want to get laid, they need to ignore this man and pretend like he doesn’t exist. He does nothing good for mankind or its aching members. He either made a deal with the devil or has a cousin at VH1.

Guys, I swear to you, it really isn’t that hard. Find a realistic target, show interest, be polite and hold back. Stop chasing those unattainable girls who will only break your heart. Don’t shower her with gifts and phone calls and plans for the future. Throw out some bait, and wait for her to come to you. There is a girl out there waiting for a guy like you to get into her panties, but if you’re wearing a Speedo and rolling around with Lance Bass, you’re not going to get any.

You don’t need books and TV and some hack who clearly stalks Tommy Lee. Just some confidence will do.

(If this isn’t enough to convince you, check out “Seduction community” on Wikipedia. That might actually help.)

— Nikki Todorow